The Clouds of Persistent Idols I hope that one day OUPS sorry I know that one day it'll be stabilized. OUPS I'm getting tricked again thinking that way. It is ALL wrong and I'm gonna break it down for you why. Happiness/fulfillment/peace does not come from a stabilized life or anything you DO in life or anywhere/anywhow you evolve. Only by dwelling in God's presence. (Ingesting the Word + prayer + attention pointing towards God) That's a very big shift in consciousness and priorities. And why it can take a very long before coming to God. Because that's frankly not intuitive (and nothing point to that in today's society). So let's say you're like "Yes I know that, but it's still a rollercoaster for me :( I can't seem to be able to connect/be in God's presence". Ok. Doesn't sound surprising to me, rather normal. But now, why is it a problem? Why do you react that way when you're not able to connect with God at will? You know you'll be able to connect with Him eventually at one point in days or weeks, right? You don't imagine in your sane mind not being able to connect with Him ever again, don't you? I know you don't. So why is it a problem? Really. I mean it. It's painful not to be in His presence, it's right. But you know you'll eventually meet with Him again and that you're exactly on the right path: seeking Him, getting familiar with Him, understanding how your relationship works, engaging in the only great mystery life has to offer. This relationship. The only Prize. So why is it a problem? Because your previous idolatrous heart and demonized brain interpret it as: "I won't be able to move forward in life with such an unstable connexion to God". --> You're still worshipping your life, how you're doing in life, over God. You're still in idolatry. Worshipping a god made of your own hands, and tied to the glory of men. Fortunately, God will continue to educate you and check you on this so don't worry, it'll go! Maybe you're very aware of it but keep falling back into this tormenting idolatry, without catching yourself backsliding. Maybe because it happens as your default starting mode as soon as you wake up. As it did for me for so many years. You have to understand that you're now arrived at destination: you found God. You don't need to pursue, elucidate or obsess over anything anymore. The search is over. The perpetual mental roaming is over. We're like those mistreated dogs taking time to realize that they've been rescued and put in a haven of love and peace. Slowly, they calm down. It takes time for them to realize what happened. That they can now open. That it's now all over. But between knowing it and feeling it, there's a big difference. And I can talk about that, trust me. Somehow, you can't help but fall back into those wrong thinking patterns : you know they're wrong, you know what's the truth, but still, they go on. Those wrong idols seem to not leave your heart. That's where, personally, it has only been after a deliverance - by the grace of God - that I became more able to repulse those wrong ways. Now, those demons were at a distance that was allowing me to spot them better. And it has changed the battle forever <3 The more God feeds you, the more you realize it is what you've been, in fact, always looking for. So you can't even be interested in getting things from the world anymore. It just strikes you how empty they are. That you were looking up to them because you really didn't have anything in comparison. It was either the void, either those cheap empty promises from the world. But now you found the source of life, love, fullfilment, peace. And you interact with it. And it educates you in a way words can't describe. You found your Everything. Or should I say: THE everything. Because it IS the Everything for everyone who's willing to taste it (Psalms 34:8). In those difficult cloudy times, please think about this: Nobody can stop your heart from yearning for God. So your relationship is growing. Because your heart is what matters to God. And nobody can take it from you. Yearn for God, cry for Him. Know in your heart that HE is the only one to be pursued even if it's still a battle. And that you'll wait for as long as it takes but will never go back to the world. Because it has nothing to offer you except poison. Do not listen to the voices telling you that those moments were just highs, that real life is the real world and that you must now come back down on earth. Sorry, what?! On earth?! No, brother or sister, you're going to the sky!! And you already live there!! You are in the world but not of the world! You've been adopted as a child of God! Let me repeat what I was saying: if you're yearning for God but don't seem to be able to access Him because of spiritual oppression or warfare...etc. DO NOT worry because what matters to God is your heart and He is battling right now, making a way to you. Parting the sea of oppression to get to you. Because you're yearning for Him. And He will ALWAYS arrive at some point or another. And it'll make your relationship grow beautifully. Because you'll realize He always eventually comes through. (How could He teach you that He's always there... if it's not by showing you that he always, always, always comes back?) Don't forget that it's not a one-way relationship! He's as much interested in you as you are in Him!! He wants to seduce you! To teach you stuff, to show you that the Word is true, namely by drawing closer to you when you draw closer to Him...etc. Eventually, you'll get less and less unsettled when clouds seem to hide Him from you. And you won't associate it with something serious because you're not worshipping life or how you're "doing" in life anymore. You're just yearning for Him, as you always do, and see this as strenghtening. And in the end, anyways, you'll be reunited with Him forever. With no obstacles.